chapter 2

How do you continue to tell a story that might have had so much promise but has since exploded?
Its been almost two years since I wrote the last installment of this blog. I look back to that day and seem to remember that I thought life had ended. My whole existence was upside down and backwards and would never be right again. I couldn't go any lower right?
Since that day I have divorced the lieing cheating bastard that I was married to for the last 23 years. My youngest son got in with a bad crowd, witnessed a murder, went through a trial and is now an inmate at the Montana Prison in Deerlodge.
I have lost friends, made friends and moved 600 miles away to start a new life.
Met a wonderful man that believes in forever and doesn't believe in beating the hell out of me on a regular bases.
Maybe that is where my life should start? Where the abuse started. Or maybe that is where my life stalled out - when the abuse started.
Maybe my life started when I got the courage to walk away and divorce the bastard. Maybe it has been running all along and I just missed that part. I don't know, but looking back is harder then I thought. I don't like looking back and who or what I was. I don't like myself or what I had become in those days when my life was ran by fear. They say the hardest thing to do is to leave your abuser, but for me it is admitting that I was abused. That I allowed my husband to abuse me mentally and physically and to never fight back. Today's post is just a small walk down memory lane. I hate to go back since it hinders my walk forward. But I am so afraid of going forward and repeating history that I need to go back and remind myself of where I came from.