I tripped on the way to the alter....or maybe I just wish I had. If I had I could look back and say that is where is started, at the very beginning. It was an omen or a prophetic sign.
But I didn't. I had a pretty good marriage. Not excellent. We had troubles, but no one walks through life without troubles. I thought we were getting through them pretty well. I can't say that anymore. Two and a half weeks ago, my life took a turn that made me rethink everything I had ever done, and everything I have ever felt. But before we go on from here we need to go back there.
We were young when we met. He was a junior in High School, I was a sophomore. I was one of those girls that did the ugly duckling thing, then over the summer got pretty. Strange to have guys teasing you at the end of one school year and asking you out on dates at the beginning of the next school year.
He was a basketball player. He walked with a swagger. He was smart and funny and even though he could act a bit arrogant he was really kind of shy. He made me smile. My best friend introduced us and we were together from that day forward. I don't have a single teenage memory that doesn't involve him. I don't have a single adult memory that doesn't involve him.
He joined the Army in his senior year. I was planning on joining the Navy. Plans changed when I became pregnant. We married quickly and went to his duty station. Our daughter was born. 14 months later our son was born. 18 months later our second son and 16 months from that our fourth child was born, also a son. Four kids before we were married five years. Maybe that was the beginning of the end.
After the Army we went back to our home state. Back to our families and high school friends. We were different, but still we were the same. Our families had lived in the area all their lives. We had gone to the same schools they had gone to. Our kids were now going to go to the same schools that we had graduated from, even the same teachers were teaching.
We seemed to manage OK. We weren't rich, but we didn't starve. We had a house, family, friends. Life was good.
As our kids grew we decided that city life was not what we wanted...well rather he decided. So we sold our home and packed up the kids and went to live in the country. 600 miles from our family and friends to no jobs, no home and basically the unknown. Again I wonder was that when things started to go down hill?
We had been married 15 years. I remember because that was when I realized that I had been married over half my life. It was amazing to me. I didn't feel old. Well some friends from back home decided to follow us over to the "new country" they were living downstairs in our beautifully finished basement, and the arrangement wasn't going well. (this part is really its own strange story) out of the blue, at least to me, they decided to move out?
The kids were thrilled. The family in parts were good, but as a whole it was not good. The wife was a good friend of mine, but things seemed strained, so when they left I was left feeling confused and a little miffed that they would just up and leave.
Than the bombshell was dropped. Our daughter came home from church to tell me that one of the "Lady's" at church had told her that her father was going to hell for breaking a commandment. I was shocked and quickly explained to her that her father wasn't going to hell. She was 15 at the time, and as teen girls can often be, very dramatic she was crying and telling me the whole nasty bit of gossip that can rip families and communities apart. Her father had committed adultery. I was furious. How could this woman of God tell a child that her father was going to hell for one, but also go on to accuse him of sleeping around.
After calming my daughter down, I quickly went to tell my husband about this awful woman. That this rumor needed to be nipped in the bud.
But when I went to my husband he wasn't angry as I assumed he would be, but rather remorseful and very sad. It seems that the rumor wasn't a rumor, but was a fact.
That this little affair had started back in our home town. When they moved to the the same they continued the affair. My husband said that after the first year that they had lived downstairs he broke it off with her. He knew it was wrong. Her husband found out a year later, but I did not find out for three years.
Was I angry. Oh yes. I was hurt and angry and betrayed. I wanted to hit and scream and yell. But I didn't want to give them that satisfaction. I honestly didn't know what to do. I had four teen and pre-teen kids. They knew because the nasty woman at our church told everyone and their kids over heard and shared with our kids. It was an awful situation that soon got worse.
I yelled at the person that had made the decision to stray from our bed into another bed. I was demoralized. I felt dirty and used. I lashed out with nasty words. I was a real bi*ch. Some would say I was justified, but in my spirit I couldn't be ok with how I had handled the situation. I needed help.
So who do you talk to when the church you go to has become a hot bed of nasty demon possession gossip mongers, your husband is a cheat and a liar, and your best friend is sleeping with him. Well normal people would go get drunk and talk to the bartender. Me I did the not so normal thing. I told my pastor. He was also a good friend, I believed that I could trust him. I was wrong.
One day while my children were out and my husband was at work, he walked into my home and attacked me. He tried to rape me. (this to is a whole different story) Between the shock of that and the shock of my husband and my best friend, I was not mentally stable. I look back and can tell you that I had a nervous break down. If it wasn't for my kids I would probably have walked out the front door and disappeared. But I didn't and if it wasn't for them and a good healthy dose of faith I would have found a way to end my marriage quickly and forever. In retrospect maybe I should have. But I just couldn't see myself doing anything else and honestly I don't know if I even saw myself at all during that time.
10 months later I told my husband what happened with the pastor. I told him because we had found out that he had raped or attempted to rape three other woman. None of them would come forward. Together my husband and I went to the sheriff. Who took my report and than took the pastors statement gave it to the local prosecutor who said he didn't have time to do anything about it. It was my word against his. He went free and I was treated like a harlot. To give my husband credit, he wanted to kill the bastard. But I didn't want him in jail and I didn't feel the pastor was worth the effort. I just wanted to get on with my life. So, I set about repairing my marriage. I forgave my husband. I forgave the best friend. I have even seen her from time to time. She is a very sad person. She has issues with her own children and some control issues with the husband that I just won't get in to. Lets just say she is one messed up person.
Over the last 7 years lots has happened. All four of our children grew up. Our daughter is married with two children. Our oldest son married, joined the Army and went to Afghanistan. They are just now having their third child. Our second son is also a father and will be marrying the mother next month, there baby is due in November. Our youngest is 18 and has his whole life planned out. He plans on becoming a welder and going to Alaska. The only problem with this plan, he wasn't figuring a girl would be involved. Yet another story not yet told. I decided that I wanted to become a doctor. I have down graded that dream to Physician's Assistant and will be studying Naturalpathics when I complete PA school. So what has derailed me? What has popped the balloon called my life...I will save that for the next installment.
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